#nopunishments #norewards #noshame #noblame #notalktalktalk
I know you're really struggling.
Frustrated and impatient.
Letting yourself down each time you lose it with your little guy.
You long to do this parenting thing without burning out your own insides because the frustration is like a fire inside you.
You’re working hard to raise your family, keep the household running, maintain your own identity, and the juggling act has worn you out.
It feels like everything and everyone is getting short changed.
This just isn’t the family life you imagined for yourself, and you feel like you’re to blame.
And what about your boy? Who you love dearly. You're worried.
How do you parent him so that he grows into a respectful man who listens well?
How do you protect him from the toxic messages of masculinity flooding the media outlets?
How do you raise your son to be resilient in the face of life's promised hard times?
And in the short run, how do you get him to listen? To share? To sleep? To be kind?
WITHOUT LOSING IT YOURSELF AND FEELING LIKE CRAP AFTER.
I’m here to tell you that there’s lots you can do to stack the deck in his – and your – favor!
I know it doesn’t seem like it should be so hard, but the reality is that having kids changed your life in ways you couldn’t possibly have imagined, and there are very few societies that support parents well. Know of any?
- START HERE!
- Bookmark your login page now!
- Tech support
- Grab my book
- Join our secret FB community
- SURVEY: How can we make this the BEST online community in the world for parents of boys?
- Live Coaching Calls - Days Times Details
- Quiz yourself if you'd like... (I promise you'll get 100%!)
- A revisioning of our community.
- You Self Care Commitment
- Short video on self-compassion from the Greater Good Science Center
- Into to self care module playhouse
- VIDEO 1: How to do a Listening Partnership (LP)
- VIDEO 2: What to do when all that attention is on you!
- VIDEO 3: Advanced techniques for your Listening Partnership (LP)
- Read "Listen" Chapter 7, "The Listening Partnership."
- Let's find you a Listening Partner!
- Our expert Guest, Patty Wipfler, on Listening Partnerships!
- Expert Guest, Patty Wipfler, talks about how to deepen our Listening Partnership practice.
- Expert Guest, Carrie Contey, on Parental Selfcare
- SELF CARE! Insights & Feedback
- Kavita Patel on our mothers and our parenting
- Connection is where it all begins...
- PRINTOUT - Target, connection!
- PRINTOUT - Truths about your boy
- PRINTOUT - 10 Common calls for help that you might not recognize.
- Read "Listen" Chapter 2, "Connection is the Key."
- The 1-2-3 of Special Time
- Take 10 days to start the connection momentum!
- Read "Listen" Chapter 3, "Special Time."
- Special Time Scheduler (or just add regular ST to your calendar)
- Expert Guest, Nathan McTague, on the brain science behind connection! (link to watch)
- Expert Guest, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, on using discipline to build the brain and promote balance, resilience, insight & empathy.
- THE POWER OF CONNECTION! Insights & Feedback
- Expert Guest, Robin Setchko, LMFT, on neurobiology and connection
- Expert Guest, Jim Shiels, on The Family Board Meeting
- Jim Shiels education matrix
- Welcome to month three! FILLING YOUR PARENTING TOOLBOX
- Let's start Staylistening! I'll tell you how...
- Read "Listen" Chapter 4, "Staylsitening."
- Let's start setting some serious limits. Shall we?
- PRINTOUT - What to say when your boy is wildly upset
- Read "Listen" Chapter 5, "Setting Limits."
- How about some Playlistening? It's not good to take life too seriously. Seriously!
- Read "Listen" Chapter 6, "Playlistening."
- YOUR TOOLBOX! Insights & Feedback
- Expert Guest, Dr. Lawrence Cohen, on aggression, play, and aggressive play.
- Welcome to sex ed! I promise it won't be that bad!
- Expert Guest, Anya Manes, on body boundaries. (Link to watch)
- Expert Guest, Danielle Harel, on sex and relationships. (Link to watch)
- Expert Guest, Amy Lang, on Raising Resilient Boys in a Sexualized World
- Sex Ed: Insights & Feedback
- Guest Expert, Carla Atherton on physical health
- Health Resources
- Guest Expert, Tonya Harris on toxins in food
- Guest Expert, Dr. Pam Oatis, pediatrician, on strategies for peacefully navigating medical appointments with our children.
- Education resources
- Guest Expert, Galit Breen, on creating online balance
- Guest Expert, Sue DeCaro, on Technology
- Guest Expert, Anne Evans-Cazier, on Navigating Different Parenting Styles (link to video)
- Anne Evans-Cazier's exercises she refers to in her talk.
- Resources recommended by Guest Expert, Beth Ohanneson, on sensory issues
- Guest Expert, Greg Santucci, on the various kinds of occupational therapy (OT) and how to know whether your child might benefit.
Perhaps you’re struggling with:
• a son who is aggressive, fearful, or who has lots of big, loud feelings
• a son who simply doesn’t cooperate
• a son who takes up all the air time in the family (at the expense of his siblings)
• a son who’s struggling in the classroom
• bedtime and sleep issues (and, therefore, your own sleep deprivation)
• kids who “don’t like each other” or aren’t getting along
• a son who is shy or has lots of fears
Or maybe your challenges are:
• an identity crisis (Do you even remember who you were before kids?)
• your partner not being on the same parenting page (Honestly, that’s the truth for most of us.)
• not knowing when to set limits or how
• yelling (You’re doing way too much of it, and embarrassed by what the neighbors must think.)
• time-outs, star charts, and consequences (They’re not working and you hate giving them anyway, but you’re at wits end and just don’t know what else to do!)
You’re smart. You’re a hard worker. Where did things go wrong? How does everyone else keep it all together? (You know deep down they don’t, but that feeling can kill you, can’t it!)
If you’ve participated in my free 10-Day Reconnect, read my book, or watched my videos, you’ve likely had some real wins... And then quietly settled back into old ways. Progress is slow.
WHAT IF I told you that if you join us and commit to using our community support:
• Your boy will thrive
• You'll feel confident and proud of your parenting
• You'll be able to focus your goals on some of those dreams you had before parenthood... WHAT IF?
What if yelling was the occasional slip, rather than the norm?
What if your home was full of silliness and laughter?
What if you felt relaxed and happy with your boy, hopeful for his future?
What if for each parenting challenge you faced, several solutions popped into your head, and you actually had the where with all to implement them?
What if you knew what to do when your child refused to get dressed, insisted on a 25th bedtime story, demanded a third bowl of ice cream, hit his brother or sister, called you stupid, or refused to participate in his music class?
What if you felt held by a community of parents who NEVER judged you, and ALWAYS offered support?
These things are true for me, and I have created my PLAYHOUSE community so that all these things will be true for you too!
And I want you to feel hopeful about your son’s ability to make good choices, solve conflicts peacefully, conquer his fears, and reach his full potential.I have lived in that place of worry and fear for my sons’ future, and it sucked! I made it my business to learn all I could about parenting, and to get the hell out of that hopeless place as quickly as possible.There’s nothing special about me. True, I've written a book, coached loads of parents, and shared my knowledge on many a podcast and online summit, and in newspapers and magazines online and off.But I don’t have any super powers. I just discovered some simple tools that allowed me to move my boys beyond their aggressive behaviors. And I felt so amazed by the process that I became a certified trainer of Hand in Hand Parenting and began helping other parents do the same.I now know that my boys are just fine, and if I can spread the message that boys are good, and that it is our responsibility to learn how to support them well, life for boys (and with boys) will be sooo much better. This knowledge has empowered me to teach parents what’s really going on with our boys, and how to meet them where they are, hold high standards for them, and hold them close as they make their way through their struggles.I look around me at the men I meet and I don’t see a lot of joy. Many seem to have fallen into jobs/careers/roles that others expected of them- either their families or cultures. Most do not make spending time with their families a priority – either because they’re carrying huge financial burdens, or they don’t know how to play, be still, be close, relax. Many are without networks of close friends, are lonely and unhappy, and use alcohol, drugs or porn to numb the pain, rather than express their feelings fully. I don’t want this future for my boys or yours.I read the newspaper and it’s full of men perpetuating all sorts of violence. I believe we can do better for our boys. That does not have to be their future.Knowledge is really power, and together we can harness that power and make real change in the lives of our boys, our families, and our world!The future holds much beauty and goodness! I hope you’ll join me on this journey towards more joy, play and laughter at home, and more peace in the world.
- Want to stop yelling & lose it less
- Are worried about your boy
- Are done with punishing and bribing, but don’t know what else to try
- Love your boy to death, but are struggling to enjoy him
- Feel alone and want real community
- Appreciate theory, but really need practical solutions - like yesterday!
- Have let your own needs slide because all your energy is going towards damage control
- Are generally overwhelmed and not having much fun parenting
But you also
- Believe that change is possible, even though it might not feel that way
- Are committed to working hard to get the results you want
- Are willing to experiment with new strategies, even though some may be outside your comfort zone
- Are brave, forward thinking, and ready to smile and laugh again!
- Information, but not too much. I know you don’t have time to read stacks of books. Instead, you’ll find short audios or videos with bitesized bits of strategy (and some humor) you can try out - now.
- Accountability. Together, we will set goals, and do the work it takes to accomplish them. You will share them with the group, and we will follow up with you.
- Community support. Stay in close touch with other parents with similar goals through our own private Facebook group. Here, you’ll find a safe space to ask questions and share what you’re learning and how you’re feeling. I foster a feeling of acceptance and hopefulness. There will be no critical comments allowed. Period.
- Personalized coaching. Moms & dads gather Thursdays at 5pm San Francisco time for a 1-hour videoconference on Zoom. Moms have a private call Tuesdays at 9am San Francisco time. Dads have the same at 11:30am. Fall apart, brag, ask, learn. I’m here for you!
- Expert guests. Each month I will invite a special guest to present to us in a live format (videoconference) on the monthly theme. You will have the opportunity to ask them questions as well. Every meeting will be recorded, so no worries if you can’t make the sessions live. Over time, we will cover food & health, technology & media use, sex education, money, school, supporting boys with special needs, redefining masculinity, parenting with a partner, self-care, play, sibling struggles, confronting racism, the spectrum of gender.
- A good time! When times are tough, it’s easy to feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. I’m going to lift that feeling right off of you, and we’re going to have some good laughs!
THE PLAYHOUSE is not a club for thousands of parents interested in peaceful parenting. It’s a committed community of parents like you who are ready to do what it takes to become your boy's best advocate and shift his negative behaviors through connection.
Lose it less
Stop your boy's less-than-spectacular behaviors
Parent with confidence